Hurry Up and Wait…

Mathew and I had an opportunity to get a “couple photo shoot” done a couple weeks ago and I jumped at the chance. I started thinking about the last time we had taken couple pictures that wasn’t a maternity shoot and I think it was our Elopement pictures which were nearly five years ago!

So much has changed. Of course that is an obvious statement.

As anyone would expect that is normal as time passes. Like any couple we have had deep lows and high-highs. Our family has survived a deployment, child birth with only one parent present, moving across the country, another birth amazing birth with both of us present. We are raising our children together in a non traditional household with me working full-time and my husband going to school full-time and holding down the fort at home. We travel often and climb mountains with babies strapped to us frequently.  It is unique for others but, normal for us.

We continue to strive to put our marriage and one another at the top as life attempts to push it to the sideline. Even five years in I still find self tendencies that pull at me. There are times when I lose sight of the goal and start to focus on me and my desire to “win”. It is a constant tug of war to be mindful that we will either succeed together or fail together.

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you are my today and all of my tomorrows. -Leo Christopher

We find ourselves embarking on a very stressful time for us as we await news for something that can drastically change the course of our family plan. Where will we live? What will we do? What if we don’t like it and are stuck there? Or.. scarier yet.. what if we don’t get it? What happens now? Should we just stay with our status quo?

As you can see we have or I have a ton running through my mind as the unknowns keep tugging at me. I have always struggled with the leaving the future and choices without definitive answers. It doesn’t help my control issues one bit – especially when the Army is in control of our outcome once again.

Breathe.

I need to just breathe it out and find peace that I don’t have the answers now. (Way, easier said then done.) We can just enjoy our present normal for a bit longer. Why not take a moment to continue to bask in the reality of our normalcy? It isn’t bad. Actually it’s the things I quite enjoy. Our road trips that used to just be you and me are now longer road trips with our family of four. Waking up early not to go to breakfast but, to play with trucks. Trying to sneak out and catch a movie when the sitter arrives to reminisce of the nights we used to go to the movies late at night in Ohio. There are many times I find myself just missing us and our time which feels so far and few between due to our millions of other commitments. I am envious of you and your calm demeanor to focus on the small moments in chaos to cherish one another.

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I love you Mathew. I love that you always remain pretty calm when change is upon us while I am fighting through my thoughts and fear. Maybe one day the army will surprise us and we will get answers a bit quicker. They have 10 more years to surprise us!

Photography by Brenna Gunnell

Brenna Gunnell can found here https://www.instagram.com/brenna.lee.photo/

Thank you Brenna for capturing our authentic love and laughter. These our beautiful.

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